Parenting Without Christianity (Pt. 1)
Parenting was a lot easier when I used to say “you better watch out.. you better not cry.. you better not pout I’m telling you why… Jesus Christ is coming to town…”
But teaching kids to become self motivated and intrinsically loving people... That's a lot more difficult.
I didn’t realize how much of my life was motivated by the fear of God rather than an intrinsic will to become until becoming a parent.
I constantly catch myself wanting to religiously threaten my kids that if they don’t do XYZ, there will be some sort of eternal punishment… Or “if you do XYZ you’ll get an eternal reward".
But I can’t.
It’s tempting and it’s easier… But it’s wrong.
It’s a lot easier to say “eat this and say that and you’re forgiven for all your sins” than it is to teach “the sum total of your actions makes you who you are… If you’re unhappy with you who you are, become better.”
(Likewise its a lot easier for the reigning pharaoh/chief/emperor/pope to use religion to threaten Gods' destruction than it is to create a peaceful, loving society)
The stories work… They definitely make it easier…
But being good for the wrong reasons isn’t truly good. An heir who is only good for the inheritance, isn’t a worthy heir. And a man who acts carelessly because he believes he can be forgiven behaves very differently from the man whose entire life and future depends on the works he produces.
For a man or a woman to truly be Godlike…
They would have to have no fear…
No external reward…
No defaulting on somebody else to pay for their sins….
And to STILL have a clear sense of mission and determination.
That’s the thing….
If there’s sin, I want to be responsible for my own.
Let me pay for it.
Let me work off the debt.
Let me settle the score IN THIS LIFE.
I don’t want anyone else to be responsible for my mistakes. And I refuse to accept a reward that I haven’t earned for myself.
Let ME take ownership and responsibility. Let me suffer the consequences. Let ME become better. Let me receive the reward that I rightfully earned.
Or even better, let the GROWTH itself become the reward…. not some golden mansion in the sky….
That’s ownership. And religion teaches the opposite.
And some people will say “it’s a beautiful thing… the atonement and the love of God dying for us.”
Well it’s not to me anymore… Acting carelessly and having another man’s blood pay for what is mine is not a beautiful thing.
I don't want to be eternally rewarded off of the gruesome torture and murder of another person.
If at the end of my life, the God who created me imperfect is not satisfied with the sum total of all of my human works, then I beg: "Let me repeat the process until I become great for myself!"
“Well you can’t. You’ll go to hell if you don’t accept god's name and blood”….
Then I’ll have to find a way to speak to management when we get there because it’s a contradiction I refuse to accept. I refuse to allow another person‘s blood pay for what belongs to me.
I refuse participation in a system that says God MADE me imperfect and then tortured his son to make up the difference.
And I will defend my RIGHT to become a worthy person on my own… even if it takes all eternity… because that to me is integrity.
I believe in growth not scapegoating…. Work not begging... Strength not weakness… Goodness not fear…
Slaves seek redemption and reward. Kings value responsibility and growth.
And I’m here to raise Kings not slaves.
Notes:
This doesn’t mean we have no God or spirituality… We do. We constantly explore morality, religion, philosophy, nature and the meaning and form of God. Probably more than most church goers. I simply reject the pieces that contradict our growth.
I love how I was raised. I appreciate Christian values. But I don't believe I have to perpetuate the same stories in order to produce the same results... Just because its easier doesn't mean its best. There's a lot of negative side effects of "guilt and reward" parenting as well.
This letter is titled "Part 1" because I plan to write more about how to parent without religious manipulation, although I am still learning for myself.
